When I wrote my book in 2019, I was excited to share what I thought was a new kind of personality system. Who wouldn’t be? Patterns feel reliable and provide relief from wondering “what’s wrong with me?”
Once the book was published and gained acclaim, I was invited to heal thousands of real relationships, couples, co-founders, families, and teams. In the field, working with struggling people, everything I believed about personality systems changed.
Session after session, I watched good, loving people unconsciously hurt themselves and each other. And it wasn’t because they were “different types.” It was because they didn’t have the skillset to help them slow down and tolerate discomfort. When they began to feel uncomfortable, they impulsively believed a distorted story about the truth. Their lens narrowed, and a limited, protective story took over. Labels and personality typing didn’t help there. Learning to listen for the first sign of resistance to change did.
So, I shifted my strategy. I began asking people to notice the earliest clues in their own thoughts and bodies. The breath could shorten, or a heat could rise in the cheeks. There could be an urge to correct others or lose patience quickly if people move too slowly. Whatever the sign, when they caught that first flicker and paused, something beautiful happened. Defensiveness softened, dignity returned to both people, and the conversation moved forward without pain.
That’s when it all clicked for me. 5A wasn’t built to name who you are at your best or under stress; it was built to change what happens when you are most at risk for believing a limited perception about yourself or others. Personality systems can tell you what you do. 5A shows you why that reaction fires off, and how to stop it before it lands.
When we don’t stop our reactions, we don’t just feel our own pain, we seed pain in everyone around us. One impulsive move invites the other person’s impulse, and the ripple grows: at home, at work, across teams and communities. I watched it over and over. And I watched it end the moment someone chose differently at the first signal.
So I stopped treating 5A as a way to sort people and started teaching it as a change model.
Notice the clue. Nourish your system for 60–90 seconds. Navigate with one clean move that keeps you focusing on creating connection and dignity, not disparagement. Simple, humane, repeatable.
That is the heart of my discovery. We’re not actually different in the way we think. We’re human in the same way. When we learn to honor that moment, relationships heal fast. If you came here for a label, you’ll find something better: a way to keep love, partnership, and purpose intact when it counts.
Find your hidden clues. Take the questionnaire now.